Let me get straight to the point: this is not a blog where I tell you that you’re amazing and that anyone who says otherwise is wrong. You are perfectly imperfect.
While that may sound cool, it’s not particularly helpful in addressing the root issue that lies within. The issue that arises when you say, “screw you, I’m perfect the way I am.” The problem of being inconsiderate to the other person.
I understand the frustration, anger, and helplessness you may feel when someone tells you that you’re not good at something. Nobody has the right to make you feel that way. However, we need to accept the fact that we have no control over how others treat us. We only have control over how we react to it.
I’m not saying that when someone shouts at you, “Why are you here if you can’t even do this?” you should just blindly believe them and quit everything. The answer is always more complicated than that. Let me try to explain.
The reason why someone is shouting at you undoubtedly points out that you have room for improvement in a specific area. If you filter out the emotional drama and apathetic tone and objectively examine the situation, you’re left with an opportunity for self-improvement. It’s up to you to decide whether or not to pursue it. That choice is what makes the difference.
If you are a victim feeling worthless
If you are the victim in a situation, there are a few things you need to keep in mind:
- Don’t take it too seriously. It’s not the end of the world, despite what others may say.
- Check whether their criticism has any merit:
- Some people are just venting and their criticism has nothing to do with you. In this case, ignore them. You can tell if their criticism makes sense or not. If it doesn’t, just ignore it.
- If they are providing constructive criticism to help you improve, listen to it, even if it’s painful.
- Once you’ve determined whether their criticism has any validity, evaluate whether it’s worth your time to address it. You can’t be an expert at everything, so choose the areas you want to excel in. If the area they’re criticizing isn’t something you want to improve on, let them know that you’re not interested in pursuing it. Tell them you’ve made a choice, rather than simply not putting in any effort.
- If you do want to improve, you’ll need to learn the necessary skills. Learning takes time and effort, so be prepared to put in both.
When learning something new, keep the following in mind:
The most critical thing to remember is that it’s okay to fail. Failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It may sound cliché, but it’s important to remind yourself of this. Don’t focus on what you’ve achieved, but on what you’ve overcome to get there. It can be frustrating to see others succeed with less effort but don’t compare yourself to them. Whether you fail once or a thousand times, it’s okay. In the end, what you’ll remember is how you felt. If you can learn to laugh at your own mistakes and be grateful for the life you have, even if it’s not what you envisioned, you’ll have a good life.
If you have criticized someone about their worth
I understand your frustration. It can be disheartening to see someone struggling with something that seems so simple, while others seem to effortlessly master it like an art form. You may find yourself wondering how things would be different if someone else were in their shoes, and how much better things could be. However, these thoughts do little to improve the situation and only serve to increase your anger and disappointment.
If you find yourself in this situation, there are two ways to handle it:
- Let them be. Accept that some people are not cut out for certain things. If they are not interested in doing it or simply not good at it, why bother them? Simply let it go and move on. Most of these situations are insignificant and don’t affect anyone’s life. If it’s that unimportant, why waste so much energy on it? Just laugh it off and move on.
- Teach them. If someone is doing something poorly, it may be because they never had a good teacher. If you want them to improve, help them get better at it. This is the kindest, most noble thing you can do for another person. It will take time, effort, and patience, but the result will be worth it. This approach benefits both you and them, resulting in a true win-win situation.
You might be wondering, “What the hell am I reading?” and why you should even bother with this seemingly silly topic.
For most of you reading this, you won’t need this article. Your life will be fine without it. However, there will be a few, very few, who should read this because you are hurting inside or have hurt someone. This article is for you because I have been on both sides, and it doesn’t feel good. I know there is nothing groundbreaking here, just some emotions and thoughts here and there. That is what this is all about, letting you know that there are people like you who are broken, imperfect, misfit, and hurt.
If nothing else helps, remember that you are not alone in this boat.